The Arranged Marriage Syndrome

At 21, the Indian Government gave him the license to marry. With a lot of women around, falling in love wasn't difficult. The only trouble was with the women who never made the mistake. Finally, came a happy announcement

“Hihooo, I am in love”…. & a volley of questions followed at home

Religion? Hindu ?

Caste? Sub caste? City? Occupation? Parents? Dad’s Occupation? Mom’s occupation? Family? Friends? Relatives? Friend’s occupation? Friend’s parents? …blah…blah… excluding certain unimportant details like her name, character, education and etc.

He noted all the questions, one below the other & looked up, as if set to purchase groceries. But, answers to most of the questions were not even available with her 80 year old grandma. After a couple of days, an idea struck. He emerged victorious like the king who went in search of a kingdom, collecting those details even the girl’s forefathers never knew. As he heaved a sigh of relief & answered the questions convincingly, there fell the unexpected coconut, exactly on the mallu head. THUD !

Where is the horoscope? The question went round and round like the obedient moon.

“You have a scope with only those whose horoscope matches”, came the order.

While the sun & moon were partying with some obscure planets, a child was born in the Hindu family. Little did he know that his destiny is written by some astrologer who is today dust & ash. In an era where water on the lunar surface is a truth, the solar system still controlled his wedding woes & he blurted

“That… that… is it relevant still as we like each other and the family is…. “

The horoscope has everything in it, including your liking, her destiny, your fate, your future with her, her future with your mom, her relatives and uncles friendship with…… “

“Enough, enough. I will get that too…”

The D-Day arrived. The calculations concluded that he shouldn’t marry her, for a major problem arose. Her Moon was obstructing his Mars, which otherwise would bring him success at a young age of 77...Phewww….A Rajnikant bullet came close to his chest, looked at him in pity and returned, deciding to stay in the pistol. A ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge’ song played in the background, getting stuck where Mr. SRK runs like the missing bogie of the train…

Soon the guy settles for an arranged marriage. A few months of intense search on the matrimonial site www.weddingfire.com proves fruitful.

“Beautiful girl”, mom said.

“But mom, she looks like the refrigerator at home” - his plea bounced and grimaced.

“Betaaa, our astrologer says that the moon is right at the entrance of Mars, Venus & Earth even when you are 95 years old”

“Why don’t you check if it stands at the entrance when Saturn, Jupiter and Pluto visit us after the wedding? Please…. “

Deaf ears. The solar system was messing it all up …

“The horoscope matches so perfectly. Even the milky way won’t mess it up”… the astrologer exclaimed as if he got his first Sudoku right.

“Check all the craters & black holes too...”….though the request failed to spill, his face resembled the potato hit by the lorry strike.

A wedding date suiting the planets, sun, moon, the milky way along with all the stars had to be chosen.
“10th, 12th & 25th of this month are good dates… Which one do you okay?”

12th is okay, as per my convenience, he said.

“Noooooooooooooo….. “ the cry startled the crowd. His ‘to be owned’ 165 mm refrigerator continued, “Suniel will get married to Shikha on 12th and I can’t afford to miss it”

“Who?”

“On 12th is the last episode of “Kyonki tum bhi kabhi who thi” where Suniel will marry Shikha against the wishes of his parents”

It was a clean application of salt & pepper mixed with chilly sauce on his bruise. He looked at mom, the astrologer, his horoscope, the television and knew that while his life revolved around the planets, hers rotated around the tele-serials… & his life continued like the drama that is needed to pep up the daily soaps…